Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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