I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
