I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
