What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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