I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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