i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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