Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
