So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
