May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
