my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
