dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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