They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
