And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
