I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
