I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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