Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
