i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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