i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i already hear my dad disowning me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
