But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Where did you get a picture of my penis
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
