a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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