I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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