Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
