There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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