You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
