dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
