Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
