how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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