when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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