look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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