GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
