I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
