the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
