I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
