We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
