i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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