I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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