He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
