my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
