I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
