Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
