if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
