I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
