I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
