So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
