At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
