if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
