Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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