I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You were trust falling into bushes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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