the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
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maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.