I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?