i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
