the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
