He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
