i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
