so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is wine microwaveable?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
