I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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