whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
