I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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