she was so not down for the gang bang
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize