the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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